Let's Talk: Insecurities - Abby Saylor Armbruster

Today I wanted to talk about a topic that is present in all of our lives, no matter how old we are: insecurities. To be honest, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to publish a post like this because I feel like it could have a negative connotation since it is, in fact, talking about the subject of things we don’t always love about ourselves, but I think it’s important to touch on since it’s something that affects all of us. Keep reading for what role insecurities have played in my life, how I overcome them and my advice for doing the same.

So, what role do insecurities play in my life? Well, there are absolutely days where I’m insecure about my body and feel like none of my clothes look right on me, I look too pale, too lanky, too “plain,” etc., which are often the mornings I spend twice as much time getting ready than I usually do because I’m just not happy with what I see in the mirror. I’m forced to run out the door (late, usually), which only further throws off the rest of my day. On those occasions, all I wish is that I could cancel my plans and call it a wash. It happens to all of us, and it’s one of the worst feelings.

For me, there are little steps that I can take that I know will help me feel better about my appearance most days (which is totally healthy in my opinion, within reason), but there’s nothing worse than feeling insecure about who you are. Whether I feel like you’re too shy, too awkward or just not who I “wish” I was (usually it’s a mood or phase for me), those things are much harder for me to see past on my bad days.

Back to the exterior — putting effort into my appearance helps me glow from the inside out. People tell me all the time “I don’t know how you get up and do your hair/makeup and put on a cute outfit every day” as if it’s a chore, but it’s just who I am. I would get up and fix myself up every day, even if no one was going to see the results. I love beauty and fashion, and setting aside time by myself to do these things each day and take my take with it really makes me happy, boosting my self-esteem. Though it doesn’t do the trick every single day, it usually does.

As for feeling insecure about who you are sometimes, that one is much trickier. You can’t change who you are overnight, but you do have the opportunity to say what you want and be who you want to be each and every day. Even though I know that, it’s not always easy for me to implement and I’m not one to jump out of my comfort zone too willingly. If you want to be the type of person that compliments a stranger, do it. If you want to be more kind and outgoing, spark up a conversation with someone you normally wouldn’t. Little things like that can help morph you overtime, you just have to have the courage and foresight to do so.

I definitely feel more secure with who I am and what I look like than I did when I was younger, but there wasn’t a specific turning point that got me here. I was so shy in school growing up and when you’ve been that way for so long, personally, I found it difficult to change within the same environment. Maturing, becoming more familiar with who I am and accepting that person has done wonders for my self-esteem. I was really able to flourish when I moved away to college, and I’d say that’s when I transitioned into a more confident mentality. I was able to grow while out on my own for the first time, and relying on myself helped me to find confidence in a lot more things. I know what I bring to the table as well as what my weaknesses are, and I don’t think there’s shame in that. We all have our strength and weaknesses, and wasting time feeling insecure about those only hurts us.

My best tips for overcoming insecurities:

Become more familiar with who you are and why you are the way you are. This sounds silly, but taking a personality test like the Myers Briggs (I’m a ISFJ, which says a lot about me and how I interact with others) helped me understand who I am and why I operate the way I do from within. It also helped me to realize there are plenty of people out there who are like me too.
Take time for yourself and do at least one thing daily that helps you feel good, or feel good about yourself (i.e. getting your nails done, eating a healthy breakfast, allowing yourself more time to get ready in the morning).
Practice self-acceptance. Don’t beat yourself down for every mistake, just laugh, learn from it and move on.
Focus on the things you love about yourself and accentuate them.
Practice positive self-talk. As soon as you catch yourself thinking something negative about yourself, put it to a stop.

I’d love to continue this conversation with you guys, so if you have any thoughts you’d like to share on this topic, please feel free to leave a comment below, DM me on social media or send me an email. I hope this week is one filled with self-confidence and self-love for you, and if it’s not off to the right start, I hope this post finds you well and you’re able to bounce back to a good place. As always, thanks so much for reading today’s post and I’ll catch you in my next one!

Check out my other Let’s Talk posts on various topics here.