The Most Toxic Thing I’ve Ever Done on Social Media & What I Learned From It

This blog post is out of my comfort zone, but it’s something I feel compelled to share for a multitude of reasons. I made the very (and I mean VERY as I cringe typing this) foolish mistake of checking to see who has unfollowed me — and by that I don’t mean through one of those apps that sends you notifications (do those even work?), but actually going through the list of people I follow and checking to see if they were following me. I have no idea why I did this and obviously, I regret it immensely. Today I’m sharing what I learned from doing this and why it’s so toxic.

I never EVER thought I’d do something like this because it’s honestly so out of my character, but here’s how it happened. It started with me realizing I was following a lot of inactive accounts on Instagram, most of which were random people that haven’t posted in years. I decided to go through and weed out some of those and along the way, and since I was clicking on each profile anyway to see if they were active, I found myself also checking to see if they were following me back out of pure curiosity. Boredom really got the best of me, causing a reaction within me that I didn’t expect.

I was shocked to discover some of the people that were no longer following me. My jaw dropped over and over again because it wasn’t just the inactive accounts, it was people I’d never expect. These were people/accounts I enjoyed and had positive one-on-one communication with previously, some of which I personally know, and it honestly hit my ego (and heart, let’s be real here) hard. Did I do something to upset them? Do they think I’m annoying? Did we have some kind of falling out that I’m unaware of?

I feel like I’m the type of person that would preach to never let these kinds of things affect you, yet here I am left in confusion and shock, wishing more than anything that I could just know WHY (or that I’d never done it in the first place… or that someone snatched my phone out of my hands and threw it against a wall… that would have helped too 😆). With the mute option, what compelled them to do the more permanent action of unfollowing me instead of just muting me for the time being for whatever reason? In my eyes, this felt like it was my fault — especially the fact that I’m a business account aiming to help and encourage others, where maintaining and growing my audience is so important. Is my content affecting them negatively? 

I’m quick to blame myself for anything and everything, with this instance hitting me with feelings of inadequacy, wondering why these people don’t “like” me. I’m not going to lie to you guys, this sent me spiraling. I held it in for the most part, but it brewed within me. I continuously thought, “this is SO STUPID, why do I care?!?!” It’s just social media!

You guys know I pretty much have to fight to get every Instagram follower I have, so to find out that people I’ve supported aren’t reciprocating made me feel used. I know it’s silly, but I’m just being real with you guys. Also, keep in mind that I’m not the type of person to ever unfollow, unfriend or block someone (I’m literally still Facebook friends with my stalker, so maybe I’m the psycho one here 😂), so this has been such a shock. I was left wondering if I’m just another number to them or if my content makes people feel bad for some reason. Am I not welcoming or uplifting enough? Do people feel discouraged by my content? Am I not providing enough value? Is there something about me that’s simply unlikeable?

Again, I can’t express enough how UNLIKE ME it was to do this, but I was going through a rough patch, so we’ll partially blame it on that. 😅 The fact that I never thought I would do something like this compelled me to speak about it and warn you guys not to do the same, no matter how curious you get. Promise me you will never EVER do this. Even if you think the results won’t affect you whatsoever, it’s just not worth the risk. Trust me, you don’t want to know who’s following you and who isn’t. It’s not going to bring you any comfort or reassurance… and definitely nothing joyous.

This has taught me a few lessons:

• You can’t please everyone.
• Sometimes what you don’t know won’t hurt you.
• What people think about you is none of your business.
• Stop worrying about things you can’t control.
• Put more time and energy into the people who do the same for you.
• Sometimes being blissfully unaware is better (desperately NEED to get back to that).
• We were never meant to know this many people or have access to this many people’s lives. Don’t subject yourself to information you should never know.

I hope you know I’m sharing this because I don’t want you to make the same mistake that I did — and if you already have (don’t worry, I’m right there with ya), you’re certainly not alone in this and the feelings you had after doing so. This reminded me that I’m human (I would have liked to discover that in a less painful way, but whatever 🤣) and it taught me a lesson that I hope I never have to relearn. Let go of the idea that you need everyone to like you. Let go of the idea that people who once liked you don’t always have to. Let go of the idea that unfollowing someone even necessarily means disliking them. No one owes you an explanation, so don’t let it ruin your day. It is what it is, so just keep being you.

I never considered myself a people pleaser, but obviously I discovered something new about myself. Yup, still learning new things about myself at (almost) 26 and I thought this lesson was important enough to share! Thanks for listening to my embarrassing story and I truly hope this leaves some type of positive impact, no matter how small it may be. Anyway, enjoy the rest of your day, stop looking at your social media numbers (lol) and see you in Friday’s post!