Life Update: June 2021

Welcome back to the blog! I’ve been dying to get on here and publish a new post, but I haven’t been able to find the words to express how I’ve been feeling lately. I’ll try my best, but prepare yourself for some rambling (isn’t that how these Life Update posts go, anyway? 😜). Let’s get into it!

We’re heading out on our first vacation with Clay this week! I’ve never been more in need of a vacation in my life (it’s been four years, people), but I feel like I haven’t even gotten the chance to get excited about it because I have so much prep to do before we can even get on the road to Michigan. Aside from packing for a baby for the first time, this will also be our first time leaving Lucia (other than our two-night stay at the hospital) and I’m emo about it. She’s going to stay with Justin’s parents, but the thought of her being confused about where we are and if/when we’re coming back is so sad to me. She’s so attached to us and sleeps with us every night, so I know it will be an adjustment. I hope she does ok, has fun and time flies by for her! Follow me on Instagram to keep up with our trip and how it goes having Clay sleep somewhere else for the first time. 😅

Very important side note: I don’t know why I’ve denied myself taking time off of work for so many years. I always thought that if I didn’t have anywhere to go, there was no point in using vacation days and I always prioritized making money and being dedicated to my job over giving myself a break… for what??? Did doing so ever impress my employers so much that they gave me a huge promotion? Never, of course. Even if I didn’t have anywhere to go, I should have allowed myself to have at least some time off, paid or unpaid. Becoming a mother has helped me learn to take better care of myself, now knowing that it makes me better in all the roles I hold: mother, wife, employee, etc. I’m still learning lessons every day, even at 27! 😉

Some great news: Justin got a new job! He’s still teaching, but in August he’ll be switching to a high school that’s only 10 minutes from where we live. He’s excited about the change and I’m so happy for him. It’ll be nice to have him so close by and I honestly DREAM of a world where I too only have a 10-minute commute (mine is 1 hour in the evenings now). Additionally, he’s working hard at selling real estate too and he just had another one of his listings go pending this week.

We’ve been sleep-training Clay this week and I’m so proud of her success! We’ve been super lucky with her being a great sleeper since 6 weeks old, but she’s gone through some short phases of not-so-great sleep here and there (still very good overall, we can’t complain). We didn’t feel the need to “sleep train” her until recently because she just started going through a phase of screaming in the middle of the night and needing bounced/rocked to sleep last week. We think this is due to some separation anxiety, perhaps. Previously, popping the paci back in would do the trick instantly, or even rolling her onto her back during that phase where she kept getting stuck on her belly. We pretty much followed the Ferber Method (let me know if you’d like to see a blog post on what we’ve been doing!) and she began consistently self-soothing and sleeping through the whole night again after a few days. I watch her on her baby monitor every evening when I leave her room after putting her down, quietly cheering her on and it’s the sweetest thing to see her remain calm and self-soothe.

Ok, let’s get into the nitty-gritty. As soon as I feel like I’m getting this whole motherhood thing down, I feel like another season of change is upon me. I love being a mom so much and this total shift has made me want so much more out of life — more time with my daughter, more income, ideal work/life balance, and the list goes on. My desire to be a full-time work-from-home mom is stronger than ever and the stress of getting to that point has honestly been so heavy on me lately. Not being able to comfortably afford childcare if I wanted it, not being comfortable having people other than family watch Clay, having my only available sitter live an hour away, and being away from my baby in general have all been emotionally and logistically challenging. I’ve never been a crier, but I’ve shed a lot of tears over the past few weeks, some in public (yikes) and some in private, over failures, disappointments and deep longing. Becoming a mother has lit a fire under me and I truly believe in my heart that the lifestyle I want and need is within reach (some days feeling like a farther reach than others), I just have to have the courage to get there. Like I have been considering for years, I’m dabbling with the idea of pursuing more self-employed work, but it’s intimidating. Holding all the power to change your life is equally scary as it is amazing… and my daughter helps give me a push.

Alright, that’s enough *me* for today. Thanks for catching up and always being a listening ear. I’m so appreciative of our community here. Have a great weekend!