Let’s Talk: Lost Friendships and Relationships

It’s been a while since I’ve sat down to have a discussion on a topic that’s on my mind, and today’s is on lost friendships and relationships. I don’t know a single person that has had the exact same people in their life since the day they met them and got close with them, without any type of fading off or even stopping communication altogether. People can come and go from our lives frequently, both unexpectantly and not, and it’s something we all have to learn to deal with. Keep reading for my thoughts and experience with lost friendships and relationships, how it’s affected me and what I’ve learned from people in my past.

I’ve been lucky to not have too messy of a past in this department, but I’ve definitely lost people in my life. I’ve had friends that simply stop reaching out to me and engaging in conversation (this is aside from the friends that you don’t have to regularly communicate with to stay connected), and it’s hard for me to let that go sometimes. I’m always quick to assume there was some kind of trigger point for breaking things off, but sometimes it’s just done. The relationship (whether that be with a friend, family member or significant other) has run its course and served the purpose it needed to, and maybe it was meant to be temporary all along.

What makes it difficult is when the two parties involved don’t feel the same way about it. I’ve met people I felt truly connected to and thought would be in my life for years to come, but when those people stop making time or putting in their half of the effort, it’s time to let go. There doesn’t have to be hard feelings, but I’m guilty of forming a tiny bit of resentment deep, DEEP down in some cases. I think that’s the feeling in me of wanting to be liked, and I can’t stand the idea of me doing something that may have upset someone or caused this divide in the first place. It makes me second guess my words, actions and who I am in general and I can be quick to blame myself, especially when I’m blindsided and it’s a friendship/relationship that I cherished so much. I hate the idea of bad blood. I don’t like feeling like I have enemies and that can deter me from even wanting to form new friendships in the first place.

There are a couple of ways friendships and any kind of relationships can end: they tell you that they’re done or they ghost you. I always want to know the truth, so I’m certainly not someone who prefers to be ghosted. Some common signs that the other person is done is no longer texting you first and repeatedly not responding to your messages if it’s not someone you see on a regular basis. It’s different if someone is going through a rough patch and circumstances can always vary, but when this behavior is repeated and becomes the new normal, that’s your cue to step back gracefully. It’s hard not to seek answers, but I often suffer less in the long run by letting it go and not worrying about it.

As much as it can hurt to be on the receiving end, I know what it’s like to be on the other end too. People change and sometimes you just don’t mesh anymore. It’s no one’s fault, but a tough truth that you’ll have to do your best to move on from. I think it’s totally normal to go through a rough patch with it, but most importantly, we need to come out on the other side being appreciative of what the other person taught us. One friend, in particular, taught me to be more open with others, seek friendships more freely and live a bit more fully. Another served as a friend in a time that we were both really in need of one, being able to relate to each other on a new level and form a bond of similarity, unlike anything I’ve experienced before.

The beautiful thing about loss is that it makes room for new — new people you couldn’t imagine your day-to-day without, that inspire you more than anyone before and that can bring just as much happiness and fun to your life as you can to theirs, even if it’s temporary. I wish the people of my past the absolute best. I’m grateful for the time we spent together, the bonds I formed with each of them and all that we were able to teach each other for that duration. Not everything in life is for forever and with each person I meet, I’m learning something new while also learning to let go when it has run its course.

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What has been your experience with lost friendships and relationships? Would you rather them tell you or ghost you? Let’s continue this discussion in the comments. If you enjoyed this post, you can check out the others in my Let’s Talk series here. Thanks so much for listening and for supporting my blog by simply stopping by today — it means the world to me & I hope you all have a great weekend!