Let’s Talk: Finding Love

Finding love is a big topic, especially in our 20s. It’s what many of us consider the in-between phase of being on our own and starting a family, just trying to figure things out along the way. Today’s “Let’s Talk” post is opening up a discussion on that, giving you some insight on my love life and how I landed where I am today, my thoughts on finding “the one,” what I think forever love should feel like and more!

This is probably going to be a braindump, so grab a snack! First, let’s backtrack to what got me here. I didn’t date in high school and always assumed I’d meet my future husband in college like everyone told me I would. Oddly enough, they were right. I didn’t seek a relationship, it just kind of fell into my lap as a friendship that evolved into something so much more. My love life mostly played out the way I assumed it would, and with age, I realize how lucky I am in that way. I didn’t have to go through tough times love-wise, and when I found myself in a relationship, it just felt right — no doubts or uncertainties.

Together, Justin and I mesh great on paper. We both grew up in working families (my family owning a couple businesses and Justin’s running a farm), we’re laidback, even-tempered… and the list goes on. We were in the same friend group in college, so we’re natural friends with a strong foundation because of that.

Looking back, my uncertainty about where my life was heading and who I’d be spending it with was rather short-lived in the grand scheme of things, and sometimes I find myself thinking what did I do to deserve that? Am I just lucky? I have so many friends and family members that have been burned by past partners, and it’s crazy to think about how rocky the road to lasting love can be. Opening your heart to someone is one of the biggest risks you can take, and those of you who are willing to do it again after being burned are superheroes. Seriously.

It’s safe to say a big part of finding the one is timing. You both have to be ready for each other and all that entails at the same time. You also have to mostly want the same things, and when you think of it that way and consider how many people there are in the world, it’s shocking that we don’t spend 10 lifetimes searching for our match.

I think love should feel a certain way, especially when it’s the person you spend your life with. I really think it should feel like a friendship on fire, and I think being friends before lovers is the key to that. I never thought I would have met my future husband on the second or so day after moving into my freshman dorm — of course I didn’t know that at the time, but future me sure did (we started dating 8 or so months after that casually, then seriously another 9-ish months later). I often think about what I would have thought if a little birdie whispered to me “that’s him” during our first exchange. I would have thought, “really? The second guy I’m meeting in college?!” 😂

I had a friend ask me recently how you know you’ve found the one, and I’d describe it as a feeling of peace. Your heart is just happy (cheesy, I know), filled with hope and contentedness. You can’t picture yourself or your partner with anyone else but each other, nor do you want to. When you imagine your future and what’s to come, it’s with positivity and with your partner. You can’t wait to experience everything life has to offer, and you’d be willing to pursue their dreams with them just as much as your own. Though no relationship or person is perfect, the person you spend your life with is one you’re willing to work things out with.

I’ve always heard that relationships are hard work, but I’ve never fully agreed with that, and here’s why: love, companionship and forever relationships shouldn’t be “hard,” but rather facing the difficult struggles in life are tough, if that makes sense. When you decide to spend your life with someone, you’re choosing to take on their hardships too and serve as a support system for them, all hands on deck. You’re doubling your plate in a sense, but out of pure compassion for the other person. You become one as a unit. Double the joy. Double the pain. Double the loss. Double the victory.

I’ve imagined this life I have now for many years. It was on a walk with my dog that I realized I was living out arguably one of the biggest dreams of mine, no matter how simple it may seem. I used to fantasize of the day I’d be living in a house of my own with my husband and a cute dog in a suburban neighborhood. I looked forward to the day we could take our first pet on walks after work and eat dinner together with them laying at our feet. I dreamt of sitting outside barefoot in the summer watching our pup run around in our backyard. That may sound small, but it was my dream. And now I’m here.

I’m sharing this because I want you to know that your person (if you want one, that is) is out there. I truly believe that. It may not be the person you expect or anticipate it will be, but they’re out there waiting to build that life you’re imagining too… with you. It doesn’t matter what your dating history is, how many significant others you have or haven’t had, or whether you’re looking or not. I know that sounds really hopeful, but I believe it to be true and I don’t want you to write yourself off. You’re never too old or too late. You’re in the build-up stage right now, and in fact, we all are. We’re all currently on the trail to what’s next and that’s what makes life such a beautiful story to tell.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on finding love, your love story and your opinions on the things I discussed in this post. I encourage you to leave a comment below, if you’d like. Thanks so much for reading my blog and supporting/following along with my little family — we appreciate you! If you’re craving more, feel free to read my other Let’s Talk posts.