Let's Talk: Body Image - Abby Saylor Armbruster

As I do in my Let’s Talk series, I wanted to address something that affects all of us in our daily lives: body image. MAN, is this a topic I’m passionate about. As a lot of people seem to as well, I’ve gotten countless comments for a majority of my life on my body, weight, what I’m eating, etc. Today I’m talking all about body image and the double standards that lie within it. This post is going to focus more on my personal experience with body image since that’s what I know best and am able to speak on the most. Let’s jump into it!

There’s a misconception that people who are thin don’t deal with body image issues. I think everyone has at least the occasional day at minimum where we don’t like how we look in our outfit and aren’t as confident as we’d like to be. Whether these thoughts are generated internally or by someone else’s comments, it’s never a great feeling. For many of us, this results in a morning where you try on everything in your closet, aren’t happy with how you look in anything and in end up with a tornado mess of a bedroom.

THE DOUBLE STANDARD

There’s a reason why I wanted to talk about this, with one of the biggest reasons being that one of my pet peeves is people thinking they have the right to comment on your weight — frequently referred to as body shaming. For some reason, society has taught us that telling someone they’re fat is rude, but telling someone they’re a twig isn’t. Why is that? What’s the real difference there?

These comments are often disguised as:

That’s all you’re going to eat?
Do you even eat?
You need a burger.
You look anorexic.
You’re a stick.
You’re a twig.

Now, think of these statements in comparison to:

You’re going to eat all of that?
How much do you eat?
Put down that burger.
You look obese.
You’re huge.
You’re a whale.

If one of these groups of statements sounds okay to say, there’s something wrong with our society. Whether it’s coming from the mouth of a stranger, friend or family member, it all stings the same. It’s a HUGE double standard that people think it’s okay to say, “wow, you need a burger,” yet totally not okay to say “wow, put down that burger.” How are those not the same in everyone’s eyes? Both are negative statements about someone’s body size and appearance. People would be appalled if someone said that second statement, but somehow the first one seems totally warranted by the person saying it — almost as if they deserve to say it.

Every time someone says one of these to me, I think ugh, here we go again, and I perform my usual routine of brushing it off and uncomfortably laughing. Though 13-year-old me would disagree, I’m happy with the way I look. I know I’m healthy and this is how my body naturally looks. I’ve grown to love my body with age and I know I’m not too thin, so I’m honestly dumbfounded when people say these things to me sometimes. I’m instantly taken aback and it gives me a quick glance into the type of person they are, usually providing instant insight that they themselves are insecure about how they look, and whether intentional or not, they project that onto people around them.

The scariest thing to me is that these statements come from the mouths of fellow WOMEN. As women ourselves, we know how receiving body comments feel. And if you do know that, how could you use those same words to victimize someone else, even if you “didn’t intend for it to be mean?”

I must admit that I’m doing myself and everyone around me a disservice by not silencing the comments when I get them. Like I said, I brush it off or laugh out of pure awkwardness. I don’t want to make the person feel bad or uncomfortable about what they said, yet I somehow think it’s okay to let them say something to me that makes me feel uncomfortable and bad about myself?

MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE

Alright, I have a quick story for you. I wasn’t sure if I was going to share this or in what capacity if I ever did, but I feel like it could be beneficial for someone out there who may be feeling the same way and needs to hear it. A majority of my readers are in my age group and older, but I do have young girls reading my blog — and to be honest, these types of instances and emotions aren’t limited to any age group.

When was the first time I experienced negative body image? Here’s the story.

I vividly remember being in PE class in middle school walking down the locker room hallway in my gym clothes (shorts and a t-shirt) when a girl in my class (I still remember who it was as well) said something to the effect of “your legs look so anorexic skinny.” I don’t think she meant for it to be hateful, not to mention she was also young and didn’t understand the magnitude of her comment, but it had a negative effect on me. For a long time after that I wore strictly sweatshirts and jeans, no shorts or t-shirts (even if it was hot outside), because I didn’t want anyone (including myself) to see my body. Because of that comment that one girl said that she likely didn’t mean any harm by, I wanted to do everything I could (i.e. wearing more clothes) to try to make sure no one else would ever say anything similar. Though she probably didn’t think twice about this comment and it most likely came out due to her own insecurities, just those few words had a negative daily effect on me for a while. I could honestly shed a tear for 13-year-old me thinking back to this time in my life, but I’ll save those tears for my pillow (LOL if you catch this Dance Moms reference).

I guess what I want people to take away from this post is to be kind to others and treat them with sensitivity. I hope this serves as a gentle reminder that words have power, and a quick comment you say without thinking can actually affect how the other person sees themselves. Words can shape what you see and how you feel about what you see in the mirror. With that being said, speak kindly to yourself and your own body too. Your body does so many amazing things for you every day, from getting out of bed, to processing the food you eat, fighting off illness, and even harboring your mind and heart. Your body does so many things that are right for you everyday, so be kind to it, even with your silent thoughts when looking back at yourself in the mirror. Positive body image starts within yourself.

__________

I’d love for you to join this discussion on body image in the comments. If you’d rather keep things private, feel free to DM me on Instagram or send me an email (contact@abbysaylor.com). I’d love to hear your thoughts and hopefully serve as a supportive figure for anyone who may be in need, because I know body shaming is something we all go through. As always, thank you for taking time out of your day to read this post & I hope it serves as a positive reminder to be kind.